The Daddy Games

 

 

Impatience Acceleration Rate (IAR) – The increase in shock and awe as a function of time that a child may actually have to wait until the top of the hour for their show to start. Measured in sighs per minute.

 

 

 

Misdirected Outrage Arc (MOA) – The range of outrage spread on a cause that has no bearing whatsoever to what is relevant to a parent. Measured in imaginary friends.

 

 

 

Useless Competitive Scorekeeping Magnitude (UCSM) – When your child keeps score for something that has no bearing other than the time wasted by counting for no reason whatsoever.

 

 

 

 

Object Recovery Osmosis (ORO) – The science behind the thinking of a child when they expect the object they are looking for to magically appear in their hands when they have not taken a single step towards that effort. 

 

 

It was an honor, during the off-season, to have been interviewed for a job as a big-league manager of the Tampa Bay Rays. I wasn’t chosen to run their show, so I elected to develop my managerial chops another way. And while I won’t have the luxury of having the Rays’ star third baseman, Evan Longoria, in my lineup, who knows? I may have the future Evan Longoria.

 

I’m coaching my kids’ T-ball team.