The Daddy Games

November 18, 2012

Notable Stats

Standing Seconds (SS) - The time a pre-walking baby can stand without collapsing or moving in any direction. This is measured in random outbursts of disapproval.

Babbling Sounds of Profanity (BSP) - The amount of curse-word equivalents that she is saying in incomprehensible baby language.

November 14, 2012

Notable Stats

Tantrum Duration Factor (TDF) - The time from start to finish for a tantrum to last. A parent hopes this both reduces over time and disappears, preferably....immediately. Measured in kicks per minute.

Sucker Eye Level (SEL) - The pre-determined height marketing people know to place toddler-enticing items, so that their parents will have to buy them to avoid World War III.

November 10, 2012

Notable Stats

Coolness Reduction Rate (CRR) – The pace by which your macho coolness is being eroded by driving a mini-van as a function of age. For example, each year you drive it, your pant legs go up an inch as does your blood pressure.

Yellowing Acceleration Quotient (YAQ) – The level by which your mini-van smells “stank.” If you have a port-a-potty on board like we do, this quotient is tripled.

November 7, 2012

Notable Stats

Fathers per Playdate-Weekday (FPW) - How many Dads you see per playdate during the week

Sippy Cup Luminosity (SCL) - The "brightness" of a sippy cup and how far away a person can see how ridiculous you may look carrying it in your hand

October 31, 2012

The Roster

Wife, age unknown

Son, 4 - Force of nature, speaks, sees, and hears with his hands

Daughter, 3 - Salt of the earth, always hungry

Daughter, 10 months - Must be heard, over-confident that she is driving the mini-van with her index finger

For years, I have been thinking about it.

October 23, 2012

My father started writing poetry at the age of seven in his homeland of Trinidad and Tobago. After nearly 60 years of work, in 1990, my father published the first of his two books of poetry. This book, From Heart to Heart was his coming out party, a collection of all the moments that compelled him to drop everything to put pen to paper.